Have you ever looked around the room and thought, “They’re sharper, more experienced, more polished than me”?
That’s negative comparison at work. And left unchecked, it can quietly chip away at your confidence, your voice, and even your career trajectory.
My client Kristian, Director of Partnerships at a game company, came to me struggling with exactly this. In big meetings, she kept measuring herself against senior leaders. She told me, “They’re so far ahead of me. Who am I to speak up?”
The result? She stayed quiet when her POV was needed most. She didn’t project confidence in her leadership role. And she started to feel invisible — overlooked for the very promotions she was working so hard for.
Why negative comparison happens
Your brain is wired to compare. It’s part of your survival system. The amygdala scans for threats, and one of the ways it does this is by sizing you up against others.
The problem? In modern work environments, your brain treats “comparison threats” the same way it would a predator. It kicks in self-doubt, lowers your sense of safety, and hijacks your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for clear, confident thinking).
That’s why you can know you’re talented and capable but still feel small when you’re in a room with high-powered peers.
The cost of staying stuck in comparison
If you don’t get a handle on negative comparison, it compounds.
- You hold back your ideas.
- You appear less confident.
- You miss chances to influence key decisions.
And like Kristian, you risk being overlooked when leadership roles open up.
The good news? You can retrain your brain to break the cycle.
3 Strategies to Break Free of Comparison
1. Practice emotional grounding: When Kristian felt the wave of “I’m not enough” in meetings, she started pausing and naming what was happening: “This is comparison, not reality.”
By labeling the emotion, she separated herself from it. Then she used a grounding breath — inhale for 4, exhale for 6 — to calm her nervous system. That gave her space to choose her response instead of shutting down.
2. Redirect your brain with “both/and” thinking: Comparison is a zero-sum game: if they’re winning, you must be losing. That’s how the amygdala frames it.
We practiced reframing to “both/and”:
- “They’re more experienced and I’m succeeding at my level.”
- “They have strengths and so do I.”
This shifted her brain out of threat mode and reactivated her prefrontal cortex, where clear, confident thinking lives.
3. Train your brain with mental contrasting: Another powerful tool we used was mental contrasting. Instead of just visualizing success (which can feel fake when self-doubt is strong), Kristian paired her vision with the obstacles in her way.
For example:
- “I want to contribute confidently in leadership meetings. The obstacle is my habit of comparing myself.”
Then she created a simple “if/then” plan:
- “If I notice comparison creeping in, then I’ll use my grounding breath and share my perspective anyway.”
This technique literally built new neural pathways by linking the trigger (comparison) with a new behavior. Over time, it reduced the brain’s automatic threat response and made speaking up her new default.
Negative comparison isn’t just a bad habit — it’s a brain response. But if you let it run the show, it holds you back from showing up strong, being heard, and getting the opportunities you deserve.
Like Kristian discovered, once you learn how to calm your emotions, retrain your thinking, and rewire your brain with new habits, you break the cycle and your leadership impact skyrockets.
If negative comparison has been holding you back, let’s tackle it together. Book a free 30-minute consultation for my 12-session Excel Executive Coaching program. We will work on the mindset and strategies you need to lead with confidence and be recognized for the leader you are. Book here.
Meet Phyllis Reagin — A former entertainment exec turned high-impact coach. Phyllis is on a mission to help trailblazing leaders in Hollywood and beyond ditch self-doubt or Imposter Syndrome, use their strengths to make the biggest impact, and to start living from their own genius. She’s coached thousands of leaders and teams (from Netflix, Warner Bros. Discovery, Amazon MGM Studios, Google, Meta, Spotify, Atlantic Records, Paramount Global, and more) to lead with greater confidence, influence, and impact. If it boosts leadership impact and builds confident leaders, she’s on it! Read more about her here.
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Learn more about Phyllis Reagin here: https://phyllisreagin.com
Learn more about At the Coach’s Table here: https://www.atthecoachstable.com